Tuesday, December 20, 2011

In lieu of crafting...

I don't craft. I'm just not that kind of woman. Okay, I knit, but that's about it. And, so far, I only knit long, rectangular things. But I digress...

It seems everyone and their Moms' Group is crafting to get ready for Christmas. To that I say, "FIE!" I have enough to beat myself up about without having to worry about getting glitter out of the carpet, dealing with hot glue burns or doing something weird with a scary-looking elf doll while the children are asleep (what is the DEAL with that all of a sudden?)!

Instead, I try to stay showered, keep everyone clothed, buy a few Christmas gifts and clean a thing or two that hasn't been cleaned in probably at least a year and clean it within an inch of its life. And I bake pies. More on that later. Maybe.

So, while you may have made 100's of adorably poignant star ornaments for your entire neighborhood, I have cleaned our desk. It took me three days and it looks brand new. A magazine could have a photo shoot on this desk. I would sleep on it if I could.


You may be smugly wondering why it took me three days to clean this area.  Well, you haven't seen the inbox yet.  This is the inbox overflow pile.  It started out as the stuff-that-needs-our-more-urgent-attention pile.  It became the curse-under-your-breath-while-you-frantically-look-for-that-important-piece-of-paper pile.

Ooooh, but look at it now.  I decided to remove everything from the desk, including the glass, and wipe it all down (even the back of the monitor--GROSS).  And I found what seemed to be an entire pack's-worth of hairpins in the sifter/pencil can.  That was weird.  I have no explanation for that whatsoever.

THIS.  Is the inbox.  Isn't this scandalous?  It's been like this for over a year.  We've had people over and everything with this pile looming in the background.  You know a pile like this would have required several hours just to sort, right?  Well, imagine opening your file drawer to find all the files stuffed full and needing to be sorted themselves!  Sigh.  It was clear this job would require retrieving the basement file boxes.

But lo! after I'd made quite a substantial addition to our burn pile and cleared room in both the basement boxes and the file drawer, the last part was almost easy!  I spent lots of time with boxes and files spread all around me, watching Miss Marples on Netflix and then at the computer listening to Christmas songs on Pandora (and I've decided: in the contest between Dean Martin and Burl Ives as to who sounds drunker, the answer is, it's a tie.  I wish they had done a duet).

Did I also mention I cleaned out the fridge?  Oh yes I did.  But then, I usually do that right before Thanksgiving and Christmas (have to make way after all) but does lend a feeling of accomplishment when you lie awake at night trying to keep track of all of the days you've skipped math in school because of this errand or that chore or this pile of lists you had to finish.

That's all for me tonight.  I have a braising roast to tend to, mounds of laundry and a history book to read.

I return you to your holiday crafting hijinks...

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