Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Okay, so you may or may not have noticed I've been a little quiet lately. It's okay, you don't have to pretend you noticed, I understand.
And then, as Man-Cub would say, PANG, three posts at once! When it rains it pours.
So what the hayride is going on here?
Well, there is some life happening over here. Not bad stuff, not stupendous stuff. Just stuff. Life stuff. It happens all the time and sometimes it gets a little demanding. And, I'm sorry, but the blog just has to step aside for a while and be patient.
Also, I got jinxed again. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened. I will be talking to someone and we'll get to chatting about interests and dreams and eventually, sometimes, it will come up that I really do enjoy writing and wish I could be a writer for real. You know, like get paid for it in some way. Then The Viking, if he is there, will, bless him, jump in and start praising my mad skillz and tell whoever I'm talking to how good I am with words, how amazing I am as a writer and then he'll spill the beans and tell them I have a blog.
ACH. That's when I get all red and sweaty. The person always looks at me in all astonishment like I've been harboring this great secret and says, "What's the address? I want to read it!" And I stammer and say, "No, no you don't." And they insist and then they start encouraging me to BE a writer and start writing to newspapers and try to get my own column or write a book and send it to every publishing house I can find in the yellow pages, don't take, 'no,' for an answer!
I get all bashful and fuzzy-feeling inside, basking in the compliments and I go home all bolstered and ready to become a writer. And then, the next time I sit down in front of the "Create" screen, it happens.
I choke. And I'm jinxed once again. Cause now I'm feeling all that pressure. I'm terrified if people who actually know me IRL (In Real Life if you're clueless and hopelessly unhip like me) read my blog they will think, "Well, this is just nonsensical!" And, suddenly, they will feel sorry for me, that I entertain the delusional thought that I can actually write my way out of a paper bag. It's one thing if perfect strangers think that, but it's quite another if people I have to see with any regularity do.
Sigh. So, I've been fretting about the house, paralyzed by my perfectionism and insecurities once again. I am such a mess. When will I ever learn?
But, anyway, I think I've gotten over myself by now and am ready to shake off the pressure to be great. I am ready to sink once again into the much more comfortable muddy waters of mediocrity! So no more compliments or encouragement from anybody! Got it?
My ego just can't take it!