"The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own', or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life—the life God is sending one day by day: what one calls one's 'real life' is a phantom of one's own imagination." --C.S. Lewis, from a letter to Arthur Greeves, 20 December 1943
I love C.S. Lewis. He hurts my brain sometimes, but that's just growing pains. And never do I appreciate his genius more than when I'm in some kind of crisis.
My father was very recently diagnosed with cancer. This has, of course, thrown my entire family into a state of such crisis. At the moment, as we wait for more test results, we find ourselves in a state of anticipation of crisis, more than actual crisis itself. We are bracing ourselves and trying to plan for what could be ahead without having much of an idea of what really could be ahead. But we know that the truly trying days are to come.
I suppose many families are complicated, and mine is a fine example. Our dynamics are going to make what would no doubt be a difficult situation for anyone into a complex, nerve-shredding ordeal tailor made just for us. I think it will be dealing with those that will be the most exhausting and overwhelming. But they are what they are and there is nothing to do but to simply deal with them as best we can.
I read the above quote several days ago and it has stayed with me. And every time I feel the desire to escape from reality and give up before I've even begun, the quote pops back into my consciousness. Sure, things are going to be hard, painful, overwhelming, horrifying, stressful, confusing, bitter and exhausting. But this is life. This is where God has brought me and He makes no mistakes and will never desert me nor forsake me. He will sustain me and make me more like Him. I know that.
But I still have to act. And while I realize that my life can't and shouldn't go on hold because of Dad's illness, my life does seem to be particularly busy right now. Field hockey season (never for the faint at heart) is about to begin. Redheaded Snippet is poised to embark her Senior year of high school. I am looking for a part time in order to help with the bills we're struggling to pay and send Calvin to private school in September. And if that doesn't work, I'm probably going to be homeschooling. And I can't help but think, "how on earth am I going to take care of my home, run the children to school, practices and games, be more involved in church like I wanted to, cherish my husband, preserve my marriage, work part time or homeschool AND take care of my parents?" I am ready and willing to do my part to honor my parents and care for them in their time of need, but I am a little unsure of exactly how to go about doing that.
I have a feeling I'm going to have to learn to prioritize and reprioritize. And, right now, one of the few things that can obviously be moved down the list is this blog and my computer time in general. I don't want to close it down, as I do anticipate being able to come back at some point and be active again, but I'm fairly certain I won't have much time and energy for it for a good while. I may be able to pop in now and then for a quick update and I will be able to check up on all of my favorite blogs thanks to my phone, but posting and commenting will probably be rare.
So, I'm officially on hiatus. I will miss posting recipes and photos of food, PHFR Thursdays and redecorating for the seasons, but duty calls and family beckons. And I must answer. I'll be checking in and I hope you will be, too, and I'll even go so far as to ask you to keep my family in prayer, if you are so inclined.
Until we meet again...